Slow starter or steady strategist
I don't know what I'm doing but I'm doing it
Why Previously Loved?
It just so happens that Previously Loved is the title of my new play which is heading for an autumn 2024 staging here in wild and wonderful North Northumberland.
The play’s a gently comedic look at a bunch of older volunteers in a charity shop and how they deal with change and crisis. But this substack isn’t simply about the play.
Dealing with change and crisis is what project managers do for a living. And we’re all project managers of our own lives facing an endless stream of: How do I handle this problem? What’s the right thing to do now? Why has that happened just as I was getting somewhere? Who can get me out of this mess?
I have spent a lot of time looking back and regretting. Regretting this decision, that choice. And thinking that, if only I’d taken up that opportunity, life would be very different. I’d be famous, content, doing what I want to be doing… [Insert your own regret synopsis here!]
The good news is, I’m done with regrets. At least, the kind of regrets I list above.
I’d like to say I had a lightbulb moment. I didn’t. I did move to North Northumberland from North London in 2010 a couple of years before I turned 50. And I started doing things I’d always imagined I’d do. One anxious step at a time.
I began writing a column and features for the local paper The Berwick Advertiser
I started writing a blog
I created and presented my own shows on local community radio
I acted in local productions including Tim Firth’s Calendar Girls (an inspiration for my own play Previously Loved)
I restarted the Open University degree I’d begun in 1999 - and followed it up with an MA in Creative Writing
I got involved in local community initiatives from working in the local parks to volunteering for various festivals in Berwick
I started running.
I’ve just re-read that list and I’m wondering if it’s the kind of pick-me list that would make me stop reading a post or even fall into a slough of despond. Possibly.
Sorry if that’s how you feel. All I can say is, don’t stop just yet because:
Some of these initiatives were more successful - successful’s not quite the right word but it will have to do - than others (success is relative, isn’t it?)
The actions were variously cumulative over a period of time NOT simultaneous
A substack written in my 20s and 30s would read very differently
Age and circumstance do have a part to play but it’s not just an age thing
If I hadn’t lived my 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s the way I did, maybe I would never have done those things - or all the projects I’ve undertaken since.
And there we have it. Previously Loved (the substack, not the play) is about the ‘what is’ of life and creativity rather than the ‘what ifs’ - although, clearly, to write a cracking yarn you do need to ask ‘what if?’.
WARNING: I’m no psychological expert, no mindfulness guru, no how-to mentor.
But I have overcome some of those voices of ‘no’ (in my head as well as from ‘out there’). And embraced the daily setting aside of imposter syndrome to get on with writing and performance projects that challenge me, give me pleasure and a sense of achievement.
So, through the lens of my own work and processes and through talking to others about what, how and why they create, I’m hoping to hear new voices, read new work and learn a thing or two. Why not join me and subscribe to Previously Loved? I’ll be aiming to publish about once a week.
As well as talking creativity and writing, we’ll be eating, drinking, walking, talking and relishing the beauty of Northumberland and beyond.
Oh, and spending time in the gym. Like Hurakami - whose elegant beauty of a book What I talk about when I talk about running is a must-read - I’m a subscriber to the idea that repetitive exercise is intrinsic to creativity in a glorious and mysterious alchemy. And right now, for me, that cauldron bubbles best in the gym.
Hopefully Previously Loved will become a riotous ride full of connectivity, creativity and collaboration.
I’m not going to lie, Substack’s a learning curve for me. A challenge I set myself at the beginning of the year. Grapple with a new writing medium. Find a new network. Keep myself accountable in regular writing. You know the pack drill. Things already haven’t gone to plan. Life, eh? More of that in future letters.
Till next time
Jax
Photo: The North Northumberland coast just along from Berwick-upon-Tweed
Next up on Previously Loved: Just as it was going so well…